Let me try to put together what the hell happened to me last night. I have absolutely no idea what it was, but it was very very deep and it is for that reason that I decided to write a report on it.
We finally managed to get our hands on some nn-dmt, we had traded it for some 5meo, of which we had enough ourselves.
The preparations were – as they were each time – filled with nervousness and anxiety, but in a good way. I remember saying to myself after the last time, there’s nothing to be nervous about. Whatever happens happens and that’s it. Just make sure you dose right, you’re with friends and you feel good. So that was what I did. I have tried 5meo-dmt two times before, both of which were at 12 mg. and pretty intense synesthetic experiences. No visuals, just all emotion, feeling and senses blended together.
We loaded up a pipe made out of a plastic bottle with a glass pipe in the bottom, kind of a dry bong. Put cigarette ashes beneath and on top of 36 mg. n’n dmt and sucked all the smoke in in two big tokes. I even had time to lay down easily and say goodbye just before I took off. I really had to concentrate to get visuals with my eyes closed and as soon as after a minute I felt it all slipping away, which it did in about four minutes. A little frustrated about the superficial trip I had, having had no insights or deeper understanding whatsoever, I thought about doing an experiment for the sake of comparison. This meant: trying another dose, but this time of 5meo-dmt. After some contemplation, me and my friend (who had also had nn) decided to go for it.
This time I went first.
Somehow Bluetech was playing, just like the first time I tried 5meo. At first I wanted to try it without music, but I guess it helps me to get a grip. That’s why I like ambient with a little beat in it as well. For the linearity of it all.
Well, as I said, I went first. I inhaled the smoke – again in 2 tokes – and this time I didn’t even have time to exhale, I was thrown back and washed over with an intense psychedelic patterning which seemed to be coming straight from the centre of existence. According to my sitters it looked as if I was fighting for survival, closing and opening my eyes, holding my hands in front of me as the Indians say ‘thank you’. It truly felt like saying thankyou though, but in a universal kinda way. I only felt love, amazement, puzzlement and extreme gratitude for being allowed to be part of this. I don’t deserve this, why me? I wanted to cry but couldn’t stop grinning. It felt like the whole world had come to a stop and I was ‘walking the line between worlds’. Don’t remember where those words came from, but they sure as hell mean a lot to me now. Walking the line between worlds. I am a pretty agnostic person I guess, but this was one religious experience. And well… in a non-God kinda way ;]
I am hereby fully convinced of the madness of the judeo-christian, Islamic way of putting God, putting forward all these stupid rules of not having sex before marriage. Things like that can’t have anything to do with a ‘God’. Everything is everything, is love, is energy, is existence, is whatever. I don’t know… I really don’t know but this must have been the deepest thing I’ve ever felt. This is not a drug. This is a portal, a gift from beyond. I desperately want to know the meaning of it all but I don’t and doubt I will find out and doubt if it can be found out even . I am still in extasy and still trying to make sense of it all.
This is by no means a drug in the ‘fun’ sense of the word, even though it was all very positive to me. Pure love, peace and energy, gratitude and amazement. I still feel nothing but respect and must say this is not for the faint-hearted but only for the true psychonauts.
Divine Moments of Truth indeed!! :high: