Crazy was all I could say once I came down, that and oh my god. DMT was the most intense thing I have ever experienced in my life. I had my first trip several hours ago and I was hoping that I could get some insight on some of the things I experienced and why my trip for the most part, unfortunately, wasn't all that good.
I have been researching DMT for the past 3 months or so, I smoke marijuana daily and alcohol on occasion but that's all I've ever had. The more I learned about it the more excited I became for this way to explore other consciousness. I have suffered with depression and anxiety for the past 3 years but it's no where near as severe as it used to be and I tend not to get suicidal thoughts often during those depression periods. I also haven't had one of those periods in about 6 months. I honestly felt completely mentally prepared for my first trip and wanted to use DMT as a way to get insight as to why I was depressed and allowing all these fears to cripple my existence.
I was nervous but I was with someone I trusted, good music, so I knew I was okay. I just told myself to let go and that if I believe it's going to be great then it's going to be great. I took about 3 hits and pretty much felt nothing. It was like a weed high x10, I was very floaty and light, almost like my feet were off the ground but it lasted for what seemed to be seconds (I should have stopped here being my first time). I could see the person I was with obviously tripping their ass off and I wanted to know what that was because I knew that DMT has the potential to be one of the most beautiful and intense experiences of your life. I wanted to learn something, explore, and see where it would take me. So I knew I wasn't doing it right, I just took one more big hit and held it in for even longer than the other hits and fell back. I immediately saw the eye of ra horus, but very lightly. I then pinched my eyes open a little and there was this flush of the brightest color orange and blue i have ever seen, reminisce to ancient Japanese art but the color was magnified like you couldn't believe. The next thing I knew this dull red started rising from my eye lids and it was shaking and it just had this tremendous pressure around it. The next thing I knew I was so unbelievably heavy like gravity was multiplied by 10. My body was so stuck like you're flying on something so fast you can barely move similar to one of those rides at the fair you stand on and it spends, holding you up only by speed and gravity. It was like that, I was glued to the chair. To be honest it was quite painful, I felt like all this energy or extreme pressure was building in the center of my chest but not touching my body, kind of floating there but I could feel it, it was all around me. I didn't see anything except spinning black and red triangle shapes. it was just black and this pressure, that was it. I kept telling it that I surrender to it. I wasn't scared at all but I wanted a good trip so I was hoping that by saying something it would lead me to something else but it didn't. I was able to think completely rational throughout the entire trip and I wasn't freaking out at all, I just said, okay I know this wont last forever (but it feels like it, which was the craziest part about the trip, it really does feel like it's eternity). But again, I wasn't scared. I then came out of the trip the happiest I've ever been but only because I was so happy to be back on planet fucking Earth and realize I'm in my friends apartment and most importantly I was thankful to be in reality.
Overall, my trip wasnt bad considering I got a glimpse of how unbelievably fucking crazy DMT is but I didn't see the beauty it could show you and I was really disappointed by that. I'm afraid to hit it again any time soon because I really don't want to go through that again and come to the conclusion that maybe I wasn't mentally ready. Could it have possibly been my nerves? I was nervous going into it but I feel as though that's normal, I wasn't sweating or shaking so I thought I'd be fine. DMT grabs you and takes you into another world, I don't regret it at all because it was just one of those experiences that I feel I have something to learn from. In between the crazy pressure and darkness I feel as though there was stuff going on but it was all so fast I couldn't grasp it. I'm hoping that over time my trip will start to fully come back to me and maybe I'll understand more why my trip went the way it did.